I have a vivid memory of lounging on a futon with one of my closest friends many years ago, telling him that September was the one month of the year that could be erased from the calendar and nobody would care.
He started to speak and I continued my calendar roast.
I mean honestly. Nothing that great happens in September. It’s just kind of there. And since October is the best month of the year, we might as well just skip the nonsense and get rid of September.
He was quiet for only a moment before he looked up and said, “you know I was born in September, right?”
Accepting September has, apparently, never been my strong suit.
As I sat down to write this post, after putting it off for more than I care to admit, I reread my original post, declaring “Acceptance” my September Essence, a post I had also put off.
So why was I putting off writing this reflection? Surely, I had done my best this month. Surely, I had something positive to say about the month and the Essence.
But I didn’t. The simple story is I didn’t. I wasn’t ready to accept September. I wasn’t ready to accept a lot of things. I was tossing and turning this over, trying to figure out how I could possibly write a post about something that in my mind, I had so obviously failed at.
Then I reread my words from early in the month:
“The night before, I had claimed “Peace” as my Essence for September for a lot of heavy and personal reasons. But every time I thought about writing it out, something felt a little off. Finally, after a bit of reflection, I realized maybe I wasn’t ready to write Peace. Maybe forcing something to fit a narrative wasn’t the right move.”
I closed my eyes and thought about September. I thought about the places I had traveled to and the friends I had made. I thought about weddings and losses and good news and bad. I thought about trying to squeeze all of that into a comprehensible post while still trying to sit with the messiness.
And I decided not to.
That’s when I won.
There are so many things that I haven’t fully accepted or found peace with yet. But today, I am finding peace with that. I am accepting that not every month will go as planned. Not every day will I live into my Essences.
I suppose I’m only human.
And things are going to be chaotic. And life is going to feel relentless at times. And there are going to be a lot of days when I don’t agree with the decisions I make or the situations I put myself in. I am going to screw up. I am going to fall short. I am going to cry (probably a lot and mostly because of who I am as a person).
And that’s okay. Acceptance is the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.
So I say bring it on. You haven’t bested me yet.
To the anger, the heartache, the indecision, and the mess: I see you. I feel you. I appreciate you. Let’s sit together for a little. And then let’s get up. And try again.