I think I was accidentally sick all of May. Between an untreated sinus infection and a rough stomach flu, I had about four days of feeling like myself this month. And with every day of added exhaustion or bland diet, I had a choice. When situations are out of my control, allow me to make the most of them.
And when they are within my control? Allow me to recognize that.
I choose “Freedom” as my Essence for May. In that post, I wrote:
Freedom of choice still requires discipline of action.
This month, I am focused on embracing this freedom. I am reminding myself that I have the ultimate choice over every decision I make. I am reminding myself that if I don’t like the situation I am in, I can walk away. I am focused on appreciating my autonomy and learning how to live with myself in a productive, thoughtful, and genuine way.
In May, I wanted to focus on myself and the decisions I was making. In January, I wasn’t sure if coming back to New York City was the right move. I was letting lots of voices clutter my head and I stopped hearing my own heartbeat.
Every month when I pick my Essence, I write it in block letters on the top of my tiny calendar. The calendar hangs next to my door so it’s one of the last things I see before I leave my room each morning. Therefore, every morning of May began with a hastily written “FREEDOM” underlined three times as a reminder that I had a choice.
I also have a better understanding of how closely freedom is tied to self-discipline. If I want to accomplish the goals I have created for myself and for The Smile Project, they are my responsibility. I cannot blame anyone else if I don’t have my business in order. That is on me.
I am learning more and more each day how these Essences dance with one another. And I am learning to dance with myself.