What does it mean to trust? When I chose “trust” as my Essence of February, I was begging my mind for quiet. I was done trying to figure everything out. I wanted to take things as they came. I was determined to live the “one day at a time” motto that I had been carelessly tossing around since I returned from the #SmileProjectRoadTrip five months ago.
“One day at a time,” I would tell people when they asked what I was doing next. It was supposed to sound reassuring – but for who, I’m not sure. I chose “discernment” as my Essence for January, convinced that with enough bath tub meditation and dark chocolate, I could figure out exactly where I was supposed to be.
Imagine my disappointment when February 1st rolled around and I still felt part tumbleweed part hummingbird, a mixture of casual chaos, as equally intrigued by floating through the wind as I was by frantically controlling it.
This month, I allowed myself to settle in. I took a regular temp job working normal business hours and fell into the stability that allows. I knew my hours and a few coworkers and was quite content to spend my evenings and weekends on various unfinished projects. I danced around the “what comes next” question with carefully chosen words and a confident smile. After all, I was trusting.
Then, one morning, I was sitting in my cubicle, working on mindless data entry when a feeling of peace rushed over me. There were no profound answers. No clear voice pointing me in a specific direction. Just peace. Just a small simple sighing of my heart, reminding me that trusting in the process is the only thing I can do.
And the wind stopped blowing. And I stopped fighting the things I couldn’t control. And it felt – even if just for a moment – right.