Writing Angry Well

When you found a nonprofit based on kindness and when you’ve chronicled your entire adult life through daily “Happiness is” you get labeled as “nice.” And when you are labeled as “nice” people don’t expect you to be upset about things or to stand up for yourself when things go awry. “If you’re angry enough to say something they must have really done something wrong.”

Perhaps then, this combination of assumed sweetness and of people not anticipating my anger made me pride myself on writing angry well. 

Sure, most of what The Smile Project puts out is bubblegum pink. We’re talking about living authentically and following our dreams. Talking about our doubts and our fears and how we overcame them. Acknowledging set backs. Cheering on wins.

But sometimes, I would write angry. And when I’d write angry—either about a personal experience or the state of the world—I would find those to be especially impactful. 

I haven’t written angry in a long time. Recently, I’ve been writing love. 

I’ve been writing about the joy of another person who cares just as deeply about your wins as you do. I’ve been writing about safety and the feeling of security someone can bring you with a smile. I’ve been writing about laughter and how important it is to not take everything so seriously. 

I wonder, now, if I’d been so good at writing angry because I was so good at living angry. 

If I’m honest, there are endless decisions I made out of spite. I have many “I’ll show them” and “I’ll prove you wrongs” on my resume. 

Oh there are plenty of things I don’t agree with. Plenty of experiences that don’t sit right. But I’ve been watering them with love lately.

And in doing so, I’ve been writing love. 

I’ve been salving the past. I’ve been lessening the bitter. 

I’ve been living not as a middle finger to the past but as a love letter to the future.   

It’s been a while, but I think I could still write angry. But I’m not sure I want to. These days, I want to write forgiveness. I want to write understanding. I want to write acceptance. 

These days, I want to write my life as I’ve been living it—in joyful love.