Love is Ours

A few weeks ago, I explained to my partner the first step to eating an apple. (If you were ever a middle school girl, what I am about to say will make perfect sense.) Hold the stem between the index finger and thumb of one hand. Use the other hand to spin the apple as you run through the alphabet. A… B… C… Whenever the stem tears from the apple, you have the first letter of the name of the person you are going to marry.

Out of habit, I’ve never eaten an apple without a little fortune telling. A couple weeks later, after a long and challenging day, I tossed my partner an apple and watched him start the stem test. A… B… C… D… E… When it didn’t immediately come off at E, he began to overdramatically pout and yank and pull and drag out the vowel until it split from the apple and he smiled, “E! Elizabeth! Look at that!”

It was goofy and innocent and devastatingly cute. And it made me laugh. And it made me feel better. And isn’t that what a relationship is in any case? Remembering silly rituals. Seeking opportunities to inspire a smile. Love is playing along.

On a particularly hungry night, I decided to make a fairly elaborate dinner and my partner jumped in, eager to help. While we both cook, we seldom cook together and as such, aren’t used to the kitchen dance of counter space and stove burners. As I found myself at a standstill—unable to reach the sink or the cutting board, I tried to play it cool. After all, wasn’t it romantic that we were cooking together in the first place?

He turned to me in my silence and said, “Are you getting anxious because you can’t do anything right now?” Yes. He finished mincing the garlic, kissed my cheek, and left. And it was better. Oh don’t read this wrong—he did all the dishes that night, a classic one cooks-one cleans situation. But in that moment, I wanted him out of the kitchen and he understood that before I could find a way to gently articulate it. More than that, he wasn’t offended by my need for some culinary space. And isn’t that what a relationship is in any case? Being able to hear what isn’t said. Being able to understand what could be misunderstood. Love is knowing.  

Most of my comic book knowledge comes from the fact that there was a really neat comic book store in my hometown that was in the same plaza where my brothers’ took music lessons. Being the perpetually-dragged-to-everything youngest, I could either sit in the music studio and look at the colorful guitar picks or wander to the comic book store which conveniently sold Pokémon cards. I never paid too much attention to the comics—too focused was I on getting a holographic Charizard. 

But my partner grew up on comic books. Comics books are a huge part of his life (he also had a neighborhood comic book store growing up and he was actually reading the books!) The first time we took a trip together, on the walk back from a leisurely breakfast date, we stumbled into a comic book store. We spent ages in the tiny space and I watched as he talked to the knowledgeable store owner—swapping favorite series and best new releases. 

Prior to this relationship, I wouldn’t have thought twice about a comic book store. Yet now everytime I travel, I look to see where the closest one is. It isn’t a case of “you’re dragging me to this” and more of a “You’re right; I wouldn’t do this without you. But I love you. And you love this. And so I’m happy to.” And isn’t that what a relationship is in any case? To start to love something because someone else does. Because their excitement is your joy and that shared joy extends beyond anything else previously on your radar. Love is growing. 

Earlier this year, I received a letter from a pen pal talking about goals and aspirations for the year. They wrote about the value of comfortability with a person and how nice it is to feel that we have people we can share these things with. It reminded me of a few years ago when I was beginning to talk about leaving my job. I was looking at different avenues—sticking in the nonprofit space, leaving the nonprofit space but still working a 9:00 – 5:00, pursuing more freelance opportunities, going back into public speaking and writing more seriously, etc. etc. 

My partner and I replayed these conversations over and over again. I’d talk myself in circles and he’d listen. I’d build a confusing web of an idea and he’d untangle it. I’d be so frustrated and fed up with the current state of things and he would empathize through the situation and then help me plan the what-comes-next. And isn’t that what a relationship is in any case? Being able to support in every stage—the feelings and the action. The emotion and the effort. Love is dreaming out loud.

Oh I have been in love before. Good love, bad love, immature love, right person, wrong time love. But if we are lucky, we will someday get it all right. Timeless love. Honest love. Vulnerable love. Steady love. Peaceful love.

And when that love comes our way, may we hold onto it with both hands. May we cherish it. May we love it. And may we let it love us.