Layers: We’re All Our Own Ogres

The other day, I found out something new about the childhood of someone I have known for years. Nothing dramatic or life altering, just a piece of information that was new to me. How delightful. I love being surprised by people. 

In high school, I was part of Students Against Destructive Decisions, a group focused on promoting good choices in high school students around topics of drugs and alcohol, bullying, and interpersonal relationships. 

Each year, we went to the middle school for an event called “Walk In My Shoes” that was basically designed to have the students judge us incorrectly. Us high school students brought a pair of shoes and then mixed ourselves up so we were standing in front of someone else’s shoes. Then, we went down the line and introduced ourselves:

“Hi, I’m Julie and I am really passionate about dance.” 

“Hi, I’m Thomas and I learned to surf when I was 8.” 

“Hi, I’m Alex and I’m captain of the track team.” 

“Hi, I’m Mindy and my favorite thing to do is have cozy movie marathons with my dog.”

After introductions, the middle schoolers were asked to rearrange us in front of the shoes they thought belonged to us. More often than not, people would assign Julie the ballet flats and Thomas the flip flops. Alex got the cleats and Mindy the slippers. Only after they locked in their final answers would we move to the shoes that were actually ours.

Julie may be passionate about dance, but actually her shoes were the flip flops because she’s also a lifeguard at the community pool. And Thomas? Those cleats were his because he also runs hurdles for track. Alex may be captain of the track team but on the weekends he loves being lazy (and wearing his slippers) at home. And Mindy loves a movie marathon but has also been dancing ballet since she was a little girl. 

I was also delighted by this event not for reasons of trickery but for how fun it was to reveal ourselves little by little—to know that we could be an athlete who also loves lounging around or a musician who also loves snowboarding. It reminds me, now, of the famous line from Shrek about Ogres being like onions… having layers of complication surrounding them.

How fun it is to let ourselves be surprised by people—to not assume we know everything just by what we see on the outside. Life is so much more fun when it isn’t lived in the black and white but when we can see the grey area and look outside the little boxes that we subconsciously want to package ourselves and others into. 

This week, we encourage you to learn something new about someone close to you. What do they want to be doing 5 years from now? Do they have a favorite birthday memory? When was the last time they were afraid? What is the number one item on their bucket list? 

May we remember to stay inquisitive to those around us—strangers and friends—because after all, isn’t that we move folks from the former to the latter?