Keeping To Trying

The other day, some friends were chatting about rock bottom—when we hit it and how we bounced back. First, as I continue to figure out this whole being alive thing, I find it absolutely essential to have these kinds of deep friendships. Second, to quote one of my friends, “which time?”

There’s something gently humbling about looking back at some of our worst moments and reflecting on how far we’ve come since then. Sometimes, we decided, we don’t come back in the same way. Sometimes, it’s a lifelong healing.

How did I get out of it? 

Keeping to trying was the first thing that came to mind. Cliches rattled around my head—if you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. So how do you put this into practice?

I told my friends about a particular period of distress where I couldn’t get myself to eat let alone to cook. The thought of even slapping peanut butter and jelly on bread or heating up a frozen burrito felt impossible. But at some point, I figured out that if I bought granola and milk, I would eat that. 

Granola and milk does not a balanced diet make. 

But neither does water and air.

And so I ate a lot of granola until one day, I thought that maybe fresh fruit sounded good. Until one day, I picked up a box of pasta. Until one day, I peeled a cucumber. 

As basic as it sounds, my take away for getting out of it is just keeping to trying. Trying when it’s hard. Trying when it doesn’t feel like it’ll ever get better. Trying when it feels futile. 

Trying because you have to hold onto the belief that somewhere, somehow, in ways you can’t possibly anticipate now, things will be different some day. 

That is how you get better. One cereal bowl at a time.