It’s Very Important That You Do

About 3 trends ago on Instagram—which probably means about 13 trends ago on Tik Tok—was a video template set to Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Spring, with text reading: “In [year] someone will ask you to [action].” This was followed by text and a montage of photos or videos saying, “It’s very important you say yes.”

The trend was used to show experiences folks had in career, location, relationships, hobbies, etc. For example, “In 2021, a guy at the bar will ask for your number,” the screen would read. Followed by photos of the presumed guy and the poster at their wedding and text saying, “It’s very important you say yes.” Wholesome, charming, lovely.

I thought about what I might post if I was more up on my trends, for myself personally or for The Smile Project. Maybe how: in 2011, you’ll be driving home from high school down the same back country roads you’ve ridden on your entire life and you’ll have a crystal clear thought about how “Happiness is those perfect car rides where the radio just plays all the right songs” and you’ll think you should post it on Facebook. How it’s very important that you do. Flash forward to over 5,000 days of joy and a nonprofit organization committed to making communities kinder. Too niche?

When I first moved to New York City and hopped random roommate sublet to random roommate sublet, I realized distinctly how much a single decision could impact the trajectory of my time here. One of those apartments gave me one of my dearest friends. But if I’d moved into the other place, we’d have never met. And how much of my early time here was colored by the people I lived with, our friend groups growing off each other into messy, compounding tangles of early 20-somethings trying to figure it all out. 

For a few months in my mid-twenties, I stayed out in Washington State and it was a dream. But because the apartment in Manhattan had my name, I eventually returned and spent a bit of time wondering if I’d made a mistake. What would my life look like if I hadn’t left the Pacific Northwest? How does that change my video?

Something I have started to let go of in adulthood is the hypothetical. What if I’d never taken that job? What if I’d stayed with that ex? What if I’d done this sooner? What if I prioritized that instead?

I find these seldom do me well. Instead, in recent years, I’ve tried to ground myself in where I am. I can wonder what happens if I stay in Washington. Or I can make something beautiful happen when I wake up each morning in New York. 

I could spend my time bemoaning another life I could have lived or I can go out and live this one. 

In the first month of 2016, at 21-years-old with a new college degree and no real plan, you will turn down a travel internship opportunity in Europe. It’s very important that you:

1. Continue to travel Europe solo

2. Fly home to Pittsburgh to regroup and figure out what to do next

3. Fly to New York City “because it’s cheaper” and go from there

It’s very important that you…

I chose C. I flew to New York City, stayed with my brother for a few nights, then found enough part-time temp jobs and internships to cobble together a room for rent on Craigslist. How different my life would look if I’d stayed in Europe or gone home. And while it’s occasionally fun to follow and reflect on the curved line of my twenties and now early thirties, something I have clung to in adulthood is less frequently the hypothetical but rather the tangible. 

I chose C. And from the moment I chose C, I had to be all in with it. I had to wholly and fully dive into the thing. There wasn’t space to wonder “what if” or to feel sorry for anything I might have been giving up to do this. 

It’s very important that you not regret the time you’ve spent anywhere.

In your twenties and thirties, and probably perpetually, you will make about a thousand decisions a day that shape the person you become. The place you live. The people you give energy to. The way you spend your days. 

It’s very important, most of all, that when you make these decisions, you trust yourself irrevocably.

Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s unsteady. Even when you can’t see beyond Tuesday. It’s very important that you know that when you look back at this ten years removed, you know you are exactly where you need to be. 

There is no other life you could have had. There is just this one.

It’s very important that you live it.