Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?
- Liz Buechele
- Jan 8, 2020
- 1 min read
United States radio host Bernard Meltzer ran an advice call-in show from 1967 through the 1990s. Bernard is accredited with the following quote:
“Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
Similarly, there is a canonical quote in the Buddhist tradition that reads:
"Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five?
It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will.
A statement endowed with these five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people."
The international service organization, Rotary, also has a 4-way test that they use to guide personal and professional relationships. Of the things we think, say or do...
Is it the truth?
Is it fair to all concerned?
Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
Will it be beneficial to all concerned?
It’s really easy to not follow these tests. It’s really easy to say things out of anger or
frustration or jealousy.
In 2020, I want to do the hard work. Listen more and speak only if I can do so in a way that is truthful, necessary, and kind. Always.
Love always,
Liz
I like how this ties into real-life interactions, not just big decisions. Even small comments or jokes probably pass (or fail) those three questions more often than we realize. horror games
The part about speaking at the “right time” stood out to me. I’ve definitely said things that were technically true but just landed badly because the timing was off. Deck Probability
I’ve actually heard that “is it true, kind, necessary” idea before, but I never connected it to everyday conversations like this. It makes me think twice about some things I casually say without much thought. 洛克王国孵蛋查询
I really liked how short this was without feeling shallow. Pulling together Bernard Meltzer, the Buddhist teaching on well-spoken words, and Rotary’s four-way test makes the message land harder, and it reminded me how many wacky steps happen between a thought and actually saying it. Simple idea, but honestly one worth repeating.
hmm that “is it necessary” part kind of stuck with me, I realize I say a lot of things that are technically true but probably don’t need to be said at all. feels a bit uncomfortable thinking about it tbh. perler bead pattern maker