The other day, I was laying in my bed, feeling all the quiet of a late night and wondering what I wanted to do with my life. I thought about the time, a few weeks before my college graduation, when I met the poet who had written the book I was using for my poetry class. We talked about what my next plans were and I rattled off all my crazy ideas and wonderful dreams. He smiled and signed his name adding the extra note to “do all your ideas, every single one.”
I keep that postcard in my desk drawer, a reminder of all the adventures yet to be had. I keep it to remind me that someone believes that somewhere in my mix of ideas might be something that sticks.
Regardless, I found myself staring at my ceiling and thinking about where I might be in one year, five years, ten. I thought about the things I could be doing and the places I could be living and the people I could be interacting with. I thought about all the lives I could live.
And then I thought of a song by Ben Rector that a friend of mine had introduced me to. It’s called More Like Love.
I’ve written about it before. The lyrics are beautiful and I find myself circling back to it when I need a moment of clarity or am looking for something to ground me.
The point is – I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where I’m going. I have a lot of ideas. And I have a lot of dreams. But I also know I haven’t been very loving lately. I’ve been impatient and impractical and indecisive. I’ve been stubborn and cynical and cranky.
I listened to More Like Love and decided that whatever comes next will be lead with patience, grace, and love. At the end of the day, I’m not as concerned with which adventure comes next or which idea comes to fruition. At the end of the day, I just want to look like love.