It Took 21 Years, But I Found My Chill
I really need to write a blog post today. Things I said as I ate lunch across from my friend. The last couple weeks I’ve just posted old writings with introductions. The writings are fine, really. They make sense for what I want to say and were timely given the day of posting. However, it’s Wednesday, December 2nd and I’m eating rice and thinking about how I need to write a blog post.
I’ve been very laid back since Sunday. That’s strange. I’m not usually a very laid back person. I mean, I try to be. But sometimes I overwhelm myself with obligations and objectives that I find myself on the verge of a mental breakdown far too often. However, for some reason that I can’t quite figure out, a switch has been pulled and lately I’ve been very at peace with the world.
If you’d look at my beloved planner, the organizer of my life, you’d be shocked at how I’m holding composure. It seems like an endless list of projects and papers and edits. I have lots of goals and ambitions and tasks. I want to do this and that and the other thing. Yet, I am calm.
On another note, I have a habit of multi-tasking. It’s a marketable skill, really, to be able to balance numerous jobs at one time. Unfortunately, most of the time, my multi-tasking simply consists of bringing my lunch to class or eating dinner while reading a textbook. Hardly groundbreaking, but still, it saves some time.
And that’s when it hit me. In two weeks, I will be graduating from college. I will never step foot on this campus as an undergraduate student again and I am about to eat my chicken patty over an English paper?
On Sunday night, I was looking at my planner and weighing out the week ahead. I was determining how many of my projects I would have to complete before I could go to bed to even have a fighting chance at sanity. And then…what did I do next? Nothing.
I went to my friends. We hung out and watched television and spent time together that wasn’t with our heads in our notes. It was refreshing. The next morning, I slept in until 8.00 and actually sat down and ate a breakfast with my friend. We ate Poptarts…and we actually toasted them and sat there and talked. And we didn’t eat them on the walk to class or in the middle of lecture. We took the time to be together. I went for a run, showered, and did some work before my first afternoon class. Monday was starting out with grace.
Now usually I would be panicked after my Sunday night of relaxation. Heaven forbid I allow myself a moment of rest two days in a row. Monday evening rolled around and I found myself at a sit-down dinner date at my town’s “Buy One Get One Free” Monday dinner special. I sat there with my best friend, spinning the pierogies on my plate and not thinking about any upcoming papers. It was wonderful.
The tranquility of peace had begun to seep into my routine and I found myself much happier overall. On Tuesday, I was able to work through a lot of projects and obligations simply because I was in a better place. I was calm and happy and eager to work. I didn’t view my to-do list as the end all be all of my week. I thought of it simply as a list of things I should work on so that I can spend some time having fun later.
Tuesday night into all of Wednesday has been mostly the same. I’ve been completely and utterly amazed at how much I have accomplished while still forcing myself to slow down and enjoy life. Of course there are still a lot of things I need to accomplish before the end of my final semester here at school. I have a couple merchandise sales to close out for The Smile Project and far too many papers that need edited.
But there’s something else I want to accomplish before the end of my final semester here at school and it’s something that can’t be crossed off a list. I want to laugh with my roommates until I cry reminiscing funny memories. I want to smile and joke with those friends who just “get you.” I want to make new memories with the people I have spent the last 1, 2, or even 3 and a half years getting to know. I want to watch movies and stay up and late and mix all the flavors of the smoothies at our cafeteria and squeeze the sunlight out of every last day so that when I drive away from this tiny institution two weeks from now I won’t regret a thing. I graduate in two weeks and I will never remember this group project that was silently eating away at the back of my mind. I will remember how it felt to slow down and be around the people I love.
It shouldn’t have taken me this long to realize this. And I definitely shouldn’t wait until a thing is nearly gone to appreciate it.
Here’s to slowing down and looking around once or twice. It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to turn in early. It is okay to go somewhere without your planner and notebook and computer. It’s okay to simply be.
Engross yourself in the world around you. Take care of yourself. And embrace the hell out of today.