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“How Can I be a Better Friend?”

The other day, I was really worked up about something that I’ll probably not remember in one month’s time. In my frustration, I was heatedly texting my friend – not really looking for solutions, but rather a place to complain and vent.

I was upset about something someone had done. It felt crushing and unfair and I was dejected. I wondered how people could take advantage of another person’s kindness. I wondered why I kept people like that in my life.

As the midst of my ranting, I’m sure at some point I turned it on my friend – my poor unassuming friend whose only role was to listen and okay, maybe soak up a bit of my anger.

Then they responded with what might be the best de-escalation phrase I could have heard in that moment:

“How can I be a better friend?”

I paused.

I hadn’t thought about that.

My hurt that day was the result of someone I considered a friend doing something deeply hurtful. I was feeling betrayed and uncared for.

And then this other friend asked me that question:

“How can I be a better friend?”

I knew their sincerity. And I also knew my own heart.

I didn’t need to continue to allow false friends to mangle my sense of worth or security. There I was, talking to a genuinely good human who has been nothing but kind and caring to me since we met. And I was worried about a “friend” who had been nothing but hurtful.

Pour your energy into people who build you up, people who make you laugh, people who smile when they see you are happy. Pour your heart into people who want to be better for you, with you, because of you. Pour your love into people who do all of the above.

Love always,


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